I was looking around at some not-very-expensive laptops a few weeks ago and found one that looked pretty good.  It’s a Toshiba Satellite Pro with a 2ghz Intel Core 2 Duo T6570 cpu, two gigs of RAM, 250 gig hard drive, a reasonably modern graphics card and a FULL SIZE KEYBOARD!!!!

Not only that, but it comes with Windows XP SP3 on it (along with recovery media for Windows seven but I’d probably never do anything with that but leave it on a shelf someplace).  After several days of looking, this machine turned out to be the Best Buy for the money.  It’s capable of a LOT more than my older desktop and has a price tag that I figured was within reasonably easy reach.

It’s also brand new, something that means a LOT to me (as much as it’s capabilities!) because I deserve to have something like that NEW for once in my life.  I’ve dreamed for years of having a NEW setup that nobody else has ever screwed with before AND meets all of my requirements for video editing and 3D modeling graphics capabilities and portability.

About three weeks ago I had a decent start on that savings.  Then some of the usual crap happened and by the first of this month I was down to half of that.  I didn’t figure this was too much of a setback and was willing to deal with the longer time it would take.

Then I got down to working out the balance of this month’s money issues yesterday and that’s when the whole idea fell apart completely.  The money wasn’t going to go anywhere near as far as I originally had calculated it would.

I didn’t make a mistake in my math either.  The numbers I had to work with changed.

There is now NOT ONE THIN DIME available to save for the laptop.

Taking the most optimistic look into the next year’s worth of realistic expectations for my finances that I can manage I have come to the conclusion that this thing or anything like it, will NEVER HAPPEN.

It is no one person’s fault.

It cannot be helped.

But none of that matters.

I am disappointed yet again (“it doesn’t matter, it’s only something Ed wants (needs).”)

Between this and other “issues” that I will not discuss publicly, I am pissed off enough to chew nutronium like it was cotton candy.

I want to scream.

I want to break things.

I want to hurt people.

I want to unleash the “Enraged Barbarian”.

Technorati Tags: laptop, dual core, video editing, multi core, quad core, portable computing, needed

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