Humor Archives

Omnipotent Porksword!

I was checking out old posts and videos, looking around for some inspiration, when I ran across this little gem.  I made this video back in December of 2010 after my brother told me a particularly funny story about a spam email that was advertising one of those male enhancement drugs that sparked a memorable round of humor.

Some things just never get old.  This video is one of them, well worth taking a minute to watch.

Rumor Abounds

Rumors can be strange things sometimes and there seems to be plenty of them in the case of Bob’s recent disappearance.  First there was a rumor that he was looking for some technology or IT type job in spite of the fact that I know he’s just not qualified for something like that and probably wouldn’t like it if he could get it.

Then there’s another rumor that he’s going to move to Hollywood and direct a major motion picture about the story of his life.  This one actually spawned a few more rumors.  Some people even reported seeing him browsing several cheap furniture stores in los angeles, shopping for stuff to furnish a new apartment there.

Of course that contradicts the other rumors that this movie about his life would be filmed in Burmuda.  Which is also in contradiction to the story of this alleged movie because Bob has never been to Burmuda in his life, so filming a movie about his life would have no reason to take place there.

Personally I think its much more likely that he has managed to get himself invited to spend a month with his favorites from “Babes of Star Trek Gone wild” than any of the other rumors I’ve heard.

Unless of course there is anything to the one about how he’s supposedly plotting to take over the world and declare himself emperor.  THAT would be just like him.

Technorati Tags: rumors, bob, odd, funny, nutjob hills

I Want To Beam Her Far Away

The would-be Mrs. Helpful had only left a few minutes earlier when my cell phone rang.  I answered it to find that it was her.  The first thing I wondered was just how did she get that number?  I don’t hand that number to ANYBODY except for immediate family and none of them would have given it to her.

Anyway the reason for her call was to say that since I didn’t feel qualified for a dietician type position then I should really check out ERP Jobs because she was dead certain that I’d be more than well suited to that kind of position.  She then was nice enough to hang up and actually not keep me burning minutes on my phone.

I had to do some Google time to figure out what ERP was and found that it meant Enterprise Resource Planning.  I stopped there.  First I know that a job like this is going to require a business degree that I don’t have.  Second anytime I see a job title with “Enterprise” in it I can’t help making the mental Star Trek connection and envisioning a job aboard a starship.

Too bad nobody’s hiring for that now isn’t it!  One great advantage of working on a starship is that I could use the transporter to beam her very far away.

Technorati Tags: jobs, star trek connection, money, nutjob hills, enterprise

Epicman, A Pain In Flight

A couple of common question is Can Epicman fly?  How does he do it?

The short answer to the first question is yes, Epicman can fly and he does so on a regular basis.

As for the second question there is a lot of speculation on that and honestly I doubt that anyone, including Epicman, really knows for sure.  I have heard quite a few theories, some of which I can say for certain are incorrect.

For example he is not from Krypton or any similar planet.  He is, in fact, a native human born and raised here on Earth.  He does not have ultra heavy duty Hydraulic Power Units and or super strong springs in his boots.  In fact, he doesn’t wear boots.  He uses what appears to be normal footwear.

He does not possess any “magical” powers (though I have to say that his ability to irritate the snot out of me borders on magical or even miraculous)

Nor do I believe that he has access to any anti-gravity technology.  From what little he’s told me, he gained the ability soon after deciding to become Epicman.  His theory is that it happened because it makes for epic entrances and exits.

Speaking of which, I have to admit that those entrances and exits are interesting.  He flies in and lands in front of you, passing through the ceiling and or walls to do so . . . *WITHOUT* breaking either.  No showers of plaster, brick wood or cement.  He seems to actually phase through the walls, ceilings and other obstacles in his path and still become solid enough to land with a noticable “thump”.

Technorati Tags: nutjob hills, epic P.I.T.A., epicman, epic win, super hero, epic loss, epic entrance, epic fail, epic, epic arrival

New “Boom Box” Solves TSA Security Woes

The TSA’s problems with the body scanners that take nude pictures of you and the obscene “pat downs” that are little more than grope sessions where TSA employees handle your junk wearing the same gloves they used to handle the last person’s junk.

The controversy and outrage over this and the delays it causes in airports has gotten so bad that the TSA has finally come up with a solution.

No more naked body scanners!

No more TSA agents handling your junk!

Check this report for details!

Technorati Tags: detection, naked scan, patdown, body scanners, touching, groping, solution, tsa, explosive, nude scan, junk, boom box

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