Humor Archives

The Gall Of Some People!

My neighbor, the one who tried to interest me in geriatric insurance, has once again proven (as if I didn’t know already) that the old saying “Some people never learn” is still as true today as it was whenever it was first coined.

Today he actually had the nerve to come back.  This time he interrupted my work to tell me that he was sorry about the geriatric thing and to make up for it he could get me some cheap auto insurance quotes that he was certain would save me money on car insurance.

I paused a moment to restrain myself from putting his briefcase full of sales material in a warm dark place it was never meant to be in and then, with as much self control as I could muster, showed him to the door while informing him that I already had the best insurance policy in the area and that if he were to darken my doorstep again I could not be held responsible for the result.

I think I need to find a way to sic Mr. Helpful on him.  All I need do is come up with something that they guy needs “help” with and make a call.  If I find something good enough it should keep him busy for at least a week or so.

Maybe that will teach him.

Technorati Tags: humor, unwanted, neighbor, nutjob hills, pushy, annoying

Anyone For Freshly Strangled Neighbor?

Ok, I did NOT actually just strangle my neighbor, I did however think very seriously about it for a few seconds.  You see, he’s got this new part time job as an insurance salesman and of course, like any “good” salesman, he’s going around to put the bite on all of his neighbors, friends and family.  If he doesn’t slow down he’s not going to have anyone left in all three of those groups.

He just left my home office a few minutes ago.  He stopped in this afternoon to do his thing (apparently it was my turn as victim).  What does he start talking to me about?  life insurance quotes for senior citizens!  As if *I* were a “senior citizen”!  Hrmpth!  I’ll admit that I’ve been on this Earth for nearly 51 years now but by God that doesn’t make me a “senior citizen” by any stretch of the imagination!

I was so mad I let him have it both barrels.  I may not have done anything to him physically but I’ll be that it’s a long time before he tries to sell ME anything again!

Technorati Tags: humor, nutjob hills, neighbor, annoying snot, senior citizen

Vulcan Humor Is Dangerous

Have you ever wondered why Vulcans suppress not only emotions but anything that even remotely resembles a sense of humor? Because allowing that sense of humor to be expressed is dangerous to everyone.

It seems that once they get started, there’s no stopping them.  They become convinced that their “jokes” must be carried to their logical completion, even if this means mass insanity for those around them.

Technorati Tags: comedy, vulcan, rickroll, spock, star trek, entertainment, humor, parody, practical joke

Lights On, Nobody Home

All cities have construction contractors.  Firms of various sizes handle all of the construction from huge glass and steel office towers to new home construction and remodeling.  Here in Nutjob Hills we also have a few construction firms.  We’ve also got a self described “Construction Guru”.  This guy is a cross between a construction company, an architect, and an interior decorator.  Not only will his company build, remodel or add on to your home, He’ll also tweak the design to suit what he thinks is best and then he’ll give the interior a look that suits his impression of you.

This guy has so much of a reputation that he can now only get work from people that have never heard of him.  If things keep going at their current pace, he’s gong to end up having to find a new career due to what word of mouth is saying about how he does business.

For example in a recent remodeling job the owner had made it clear that he wanted a specific set of Murray Feiss lighting items to be used in the new den he was adding to his home.  However after meeting him, discussing the plans and looking over the existing house our “guru” decided that the owners choice simply would not do.

Once the work started he then proceeded to spend hours searching shops all over the area as well as several online retailers looking for what he thought would be much more appropriate for the owner’s new den.

I haven’t seen the place yet since construction was finished but I do know that the owner is extremely unhappy with how things turned out.  I can’t say that I blame him either.  Not only were his design choices totally ignored but I have been told that the resulting den looks more like something out of the Adams Family home.

The moral of the story is check out construction firms and their reputations before signing anything.  Have a look at some of their previous work, talk to previous customers and find out what they’ve done that wasn’t right.

Technorati Tags: weird, humor, construction, odd, nutjob hills

Wanted: Lemon Picker

A guy applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove.  The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this: “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have!” he replied.  “I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Toyota’s, and I voted for Obama”

He got the job.

Technorati Tags: funny, joke, hilarious, anti obama, humor

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