Nutjob Hills Archives

Salesman Lost

I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating.  Salespeople get kinda crazy when they find themselves in Nutjob Hills.

For one thing, they suddenly develop an irresistible urge to ply their trade door to door at four AM.  time when decent normal(ish) people are usually trying to sleep.

They also tend to forget that they’re not in a place appropriate to their particular business.  Just the other day several people were awakened at 4AM by a guy making a sales pitch on behalf of don allred insurance burlington nc in spite of the fact that we’re nowhere near North Carolina.

I’m sure that he’d never do such a thing anywhere else but this is Nutjob Hills.

Check With Someone Who Knows

So Ralph has decided that he’s going to learn guitar.  That’s all well and good but there’s the problem of getting a good one to learn on.  He doesn’t know the first thing about buying musical instruments of any flavor.  He asked me but I probably know less about such things than Ralph does.

The only advice I could give him is to check with people that do know.  If for you don’t know anyone that knows about the thing you’re looking to buy then the next best thing is to search it up on the web and go to sites that sell and talk about the thing you’re buying and read lots of reviews.  Reviews that are written by people who have bought the item and are not connected in any way to those who make and sell it are the kind you want to see.

These are the reviews that are most likely to point out a flaw or bug and explain why they didn’t like this or that feature about it.

Lots of people are willing to write all positive or all negative in their reviews but you want to look for the ones that can see both the good and bad features and just lay out the facts without a bunch of emotionalism that is really out of place.

Holes In Rumors

The thing about rumormongers is that they pay very little, if any, attention to details that leave holes in their claims large enough to fly a starship through.

A excellent example is the many rumors that have claimed Bob was marrying this or that celebrity.  They completely ignore the fact that anyone who knows him can tell you without hesitation that he’s just not the marrying kind.  The only exception to this is if he had a shot at one of the female stars of “Babes of Star Trek Gone Wild”.  He’d marry any of them at the drop of a hat.  Any hat.

Yet in spite of this glaringly obvious hole in such stories the rumormongers continue to pump them out at a sometimes amazing rate.  Recently one of them claimed that they had “proof” Bob is getting married.  The “proof” in question is a series of unverified sightings of him allegedly shopping for wedding night lingerie in a number of brick & mortar and online shops.

Thing is, Bob is a rather direct personality.  His idea of the perfect lingerie is the lady in question wearing only the skin she was born in.  He says that “Anything else just gets in the way”.

Dance Master Bob

These “Bob rumors” are strangely persistent.  In spite of the fact that we all know that none of them are possible.

Yet here we have another rumormonger trying to sell the idea that Bob has become a “dance master” and has gone into business as a master of dance instructors world wide.  One recent glaringly inaccurate version of this rumor states that Bob recently opened a new studio that is the first dance lessons santa monica has seen ever in a local studio.

Frankly I doubt this.  Even if this rumor were true, which it is not, I’m sure that there are now and have been in the past, many other dance studios in santa monica.

All that aside.  Not only does Bob not dance.  With the exception of the various and sundry gyrations performed by the cast of “Babes of Star Trek Gone Wild”, he has said many times that he hates dancing.

Odd Shopping List

There’s a lot you could say about Harry.  All of it true and most of it frankly confusing.  “Harry is as Harry does” folks around here say.  I’ve lived here going on twenty years now and I still don’t understand what that’s supposed to mean.

Then again, understanding Harry or things about Harry isn’t something anyone does.  For example recently he was in the Nutjob Hills Diner with one of those really thick spiral notebooks.

He’d sit and stare at it for five or twenty minutes and suddenly pick up a pencil and write something down.

He kept this up for over an hour.  Finally one of the waitresess couldn’t stand it any longer.  She just had to know what it was he was writing.

The next time she went to that part of the diner she made it a point to find a way to be busy at the table behind Harry.  The next time he started writing she got up and looked at his notebook as she slowly passed.

Bananas
turpentine
bicycle tire repair kit
double cheeseburger
cereal
buyheatshrink.com – heat shrink cutters
yellow cake mix
carburetor – four barrel

As she should have expected.  Knowing the answer to her question only raised a dozen more.

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