Nutjob Hills Archives

Clueless Rumormongers

Well I suppose that all rumormongers are clueless however the bunch that are spreading “Bob rumors” are particularly special cases.

For example there’s a new one that’s cropped up lately that claims that Bob has proposed marriage to each and every one of the female cast of “Babes of Star Trek Gone Wild” and that they’ve allegedly all accepted.  The rumor goes on to say that because of this Bob has “practically bought out Reeds.com jewelry store” in getting sufficient rings with shiny rocks on them in preparation for the big day where he marries all 14 women at the same time.

Obviously this rumor is a load of something special.  Not only because big multi-marriages like that aren’t quite legal anywhere I know of but also because of this news item that makes it clear that Bob is not only back but has never been doing any of the things that these rumors have claimed.

I suppose eventually they’ll get a clue.  Right.  That’s gonna happen.

Ambition Taken Advantage Of

We may never actually know the full reason behind the insane quest of yoga guy and his insane need to have hideous loud “music” playing at four A.M. while he does his yoga moves in his front yard (yeah, even in freezing weather).

What is known however is that he’s ruining the musical futures of many a would-be musician.  It matters now what they play or the style of music they prefer, he’s after each and every single one in an effort to get as many different people to play in his front yard four A.M. “concerts”.

At the Nutjob Hills Diner the other day there was another such case.  A guy was talking to his friend about having just gotten a good arturia keyboard at guitar center when, seemingly out of nowhere, yoga guy appeared and started trying to talk him into playing for him.

What these hopefuls don’t know is that with yoga guy on their resume, they might as well buy a shovel and dig ditches for a living.

Ugly Rumor

I was at the Nutjob Hills Diner having coffee this morning when I heard what has to be one of the ugliest rumors I’ve run into in a long time.

Apparently, given his recent success in tricking people into buying musical instruments at a discount if they’ll perform in his “concerts”, yoga guy is now attempting to put together a major event.

After making some undisclosed (but eminently guessable) arrangements with his suppliers he’s told his sales crew to give out coupons good for free ibanez guitars at musicians friend.  These coupons are allegedly good only to people who purchase at least one other instrument and agree to perform not only in the daily four A.M. “concerts” in his front yard, but also agree to perform in what he is calling the “citywide concert”.

apparently he’s going to position his “musicians” (total never-played-a-note-amateurs) at strategic points all over the city and have them commence playing no less than 39 different tunes simultaneously.  This event would, if he can convince the city council to allow it, take place at four A.M. and be broadcast using the largest speakers and amplifiers he can get hold of.  Said speakers to be mounted on telephone poles throughout the entire city limits.

If this happens, nobody in Nutjob Hills will sleep until it’s over.

Beware Of Salesmen

That bit of sage advice goes double if you live in the financial district of Nutjob Hills OR in any area that the assorted mad geniuses have targeted for one of their door to door sales campaigns.

Yep, that’s right, Nutjob Hills still has door to door salesmen.  In fact I think there are more of them operating here than anywhere else.  Why this is I have no idea other than this place seems to draw the crazies to itself.

The salesmen however are to be avoided at all costs when they knock on your door at four A.M. and start offering what seems to be a good deal.  I guarantee you that if you buy from them you’ll spend the larger part of six months kicking yourself.

Odd Solution

Every once in a while I get a not so subtle reminder that I am living in a town of complete and total nutjobs, that there is good reason for me calling this place “Nutjob Hills”.

One such reminder came with the recent ice storm.  One of the many local would be business giants decided that he would offer a service to help people clear their driveways and the local streets of ice.

Thing is of course, that such ideas are usually just a tad bit odd.  such as this guy’s idea.  He wasn’t actually selling a service like he called it.  His “service” was to tell people about a website where they could get tools and machines to take care of the problem.  The idea was that they’d pay him, he’d give them a url and say click here and then presto, their problems were solved.

Of course this didn’t go over very well and he ended up out of business within hours of opening.  On the other hand at least he didn’t have a bunch of money invested in this whack job plan.

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