Nutjob Hills Archives

Missing Irritant

I have a missing irritant.  While normally this would be a good thing, Because I live in Nutjob Hills and this particular irritant has been pretty much right there almost constantly since he came here on vacation a little over a month ago that means it’s a problem.  Particularly since I know that he hasn’t done me the favor of leaving town forever.

Just the week before last he was trying to convince me that I needed a couple of DuraMax Colossus Metal Storage Sheds 50231 in my back yard in order to store the office files that I need to keep but don’t expect to use very much if at all.

Never mind that I told him no less than six times that I keep all of my files on my computer with backups on DVD that I keep in a safe deposit box.  This floon was trying to convince me to spend the time and effort to print them all out and then file them in boxes (which he’d be glad to sell me for an alleged discount) in the storage sheds that he would also be glad to sell me.

Now it’s been a while since I’ve even seen him, let alone heard from him, and I’m beginning to wonder what monster sales pitch he’s cooking up to throw at me next time.  Past experience tells me that the longer he goes without coming around to try again, the bigger the sales pitch is going to be.

At this rate I expect him to come in with a title deed for the Brooklyn Bridge.  Or maybe Florida.  Hey, anything is possible, this *IS* Nutjob Hills you know.

Technorati Tags: pushy salesman, weird, suspicious, odd, nutjob hills, salesman

Another Close Call

I had a second close call with getting new neighbors yesterday.  This time, instead of showing obvious signs of having several kids, this family showed clear indications that they’re very much into their entertainment.  Not only were they measuring walls to decide if they could fit their HDTV plasma screen in a good spot, they also had questions for the real estate agent about things that ranged from how much power could they draw from the electric service and would it be possible to get the service upgraded to higher amperage.  They also had several questions about local noise ordinances.

Honestly, hearing about that, I think I really dodged a bullet there.  The LAST thing I need is to have somebody move in that likes to shake the neighborhood with their stereo system!  I’ve had neighbors like that in the past and I’m not interested in more ever again.

Frankly, I think it’d be cool if the guy with the bologna sandwich habit were to move back in.  He may have been weird, always having a bologna sandwich in his pocket but at least he was quiet!

Technorati Tags: nutjob hills, humor

Close Call

I had a really serious close call yesterday.  The house next door has been for sale for a few months now.  Yesterday afternoon I saw a pickup loaded with furniture and kidsriding toys stop out front and a couple got out and started looking around the place.  A few minutes later a real estate agent showed up and they went inside for the grand tour.

I guess the place wasn’t big enough for them though because after they left I talked to the agent for a few minutes to see if I was going to get new neighbors, worse yet, new neighbors with a bunch of noisy kids.

As I suspected when I saw the pickup, they had too many kids to fit in that house.  A good thing I think.  Having neighbors in Nuthob Hills can be problem enough without adding a mess of kids into the situation.

Technorati Tags: nutjob hills, humor

The Man Who Would Cure Zombies

One of the more “eccentric” people here in Nutjob Hills is Joey (not his real name).  Joey’s got a rather big problem on his mind.  Zombies.  He’s convinced that something needs to be done about the zombie population and he has spent most of the last year doing a considerable amount of research on the subject.  (Regardless of what you or I may think about the subject, Joey is dead serious and you will *NEVER* convince him zombies aren’t real so don’t try.)

His latest theory is that many people become zombies after their deaths because in life they didn’t get enough sleep.  Therefore he’s been spending a lot of time on sites like www.bestsleepingpill.org and others learning everything he can about every form of sleep aid that he can find.  His idea is to create some kind of a chemical cocktail out of a carefully selected group of sleep aids and use that both to treat existing zombies and as a preventative treatment for people who would otherwise become zombies.

He’s even gone so far as to acquire something of an arsenal of tranquilizer guns and darts that can be filled with his concoction when he finally completes it.

I’m just hoping that some alternate theory can be devised and presented to him in a way that he will accept it and try working on something that won’t have him end up darting people in a shopping mall someplace.

Technorati Tags: weird, nutjob hills, zombies, odd

Weight Loss In Nutjob Hills

One of the locals here in Nutjob Hills has managed to come up with a rather unique and amazingly effective means of quick weight loss.  You see, he’d been gaining weight for a couple of years and was starting to get concerned about it and decided to lose weight so he went to his doctor and asked what he recommended.

The doctor suggested that he try a fairly new diet.  He told him to eat normal meals for two days, then skip a day and repeat this routine for two weeks and return to the doctor.  The doctor told him that he expected the man to lose at least five pounds.

When he returned to the doc’s office two weeks later the doctor was amazed with his results.  He had lose a whopping 60 pounds.

The doc asked if he’d followed the directions and the man insisted that he’d done exactly what the doctor had ordered.  His only complaint was that he felt like he was going to die on the third day of that three day routine.

The doctor assured him that there was no way he could die of hunger not eating one day in three.  The man corrected him saying that it was not the hunger that was the problem.

It was all that skipping.

Technorati Tags: weight loss, diet, humor

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