Nutjob Hills Archives

A Good Bad Example

In my previous post I mentioned the most annoying “Mr. Helpful” and how I really hoped that he wouldn’t see that post.  Fortunately he’s not the blog reading type.  He spends most of his online time researching “cures” for this or that problem that people around him have.

For example, one time he approached me with something he said was one of the best weight loss drinks in the world.  The problem is that I honestly can’t say which was worse, the habanero peppers or a substance he wouldn’t name (claiming it was a “family secret”) that smelled suspiciously like used cat litter.

In either case, you can well imagine why I wouldn’t let it near me, let alone drink it.  I will say that it was somewhat effective however.  After catching a whiff of it I had absolutely zero appetite for a good 18 hours afterward!

Technorati Tags: irritating, moron, weight loss, humor, neighbor

Neighbors Can Be Really Strange Sometimes

My neighbor’s at it again.  You know, the one with the loud stereo, louder car Etc.?  As if being loud and punishing to the ears, I’m here to tell you that there’s such a thing as being too loud on the eyes as well.  How’s that?  You ask?  Easy, just picture a car that’s been modified and hopped up so much that it barely resembles the machine that originally rolled off of the assembly line.

I mean, we’re talking spoilers, turbocharger intake coming out of the hood and again, just about everything you could do to a car and still (barely) keep it street legal.  Now for the kicker.  That car now looks like somebody stretched a corset over it.

To start with the car is absolutely the brightest neon fire engine red you’ve ever laid eyes on.  The thing darn near glows in the dark.  Oh, let’s not forget the red neon lights on the undercarriage.  Not only does the thing glow, it leaves a glowing footprint on top of that.

Now add what looks like 30 hours or more of airbrush work with absolutely pure titanium white.  The complex pattern covers the entire roof and then wraps around the car, covering the doors and side panels.  I tell you it looks like a corset.  Or perhaps maybe like a giant version of Shelob decided to wrap the thing up for safekeeping.  Either way it hurts to look at it.

Technorati Tags: Noisy Neighbors, rural living, Neighborhood, loud paint jobs, Obsession, obnoxious cars, loud music, Cars, Noisy Car, Geegaws

You’d think that living out here in Rural America the way I do that things like noisy neighbors with loud people, louder music and still louder cars wouldn’t be an issue wouldn’t you?  Unfortunately, living out here in the sticks doesn’t mean you won’t have any neighbors close by.  That privilege is reserved for people with large plots of land and the sense to put their home someplace in the middle of it.

For the most part, I have to admit that my neighbors aren’t that bad, until he catches me going out to check the mail or something and I get to stand around listening to him rant on about the new coilovers, rims, or some other thing that’s supposed to make his car badder than everything else on the road.

Personally, I can’t see the need for all that.  Maybe it’d be reasonable if he were driving in races or something but he’s just another Joe The Something-or-other with an obsession for his car.  Myself, I’d much rather just keep my car the way it is.  It runs, gets halfway decent gas mileage and I can count on it to get me from point A to point B and back every time.  I don’t need all the expensive geegaws and ultra high performance (translate that mileage killers) to do the job.

Besides, I think one car in the neighborhood that shakes the foundations when he starts it up is more than enough.

Technorati Tags: Coilovers, Badder, Plots Of Land, Noisy Car, Killers, Obsession, Foundations, Privilege, Geegaws, Neighborhood, Rims, rural living, High Performance, Noisy Neighbors, Mileage, Decent Gas Mileage, Cars, loud music

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