Wishlist Archives

It’s Really Tired Out

I’m tired.  Not just physically tired and in need of sleep to restore the body to fully waking status.  I’m talking about being mentally and emotionally tired.

I’m talking about being exhausted from trying to come up with things to make my videos better and more engaging so that more people will watch them and share them with their friends and family.

I’m talking about how incredibly, awesomely weary I am of looking at things I have written and thinking “Damn, that sucks” in spite of how much effort I may have put into writing it at the time.

I’m tired of spending hour after hour after hour after hour writing in my blogs, doing keyword research and optimizing my posts for both human readers and for search engines all in an effort to squeeze a few more visitors out of them, hoping and praying that their precious clicks on adverts will increase enough so that I can actually earn a living wage that pays all of my bills and leaves a bit for me for the first time since 1997.

Basically, I’m tired of working my ass off and getting little to no return for it.

If you think that just because I don’t have a job working for somebody else that I’m just a lazy good for nothing sot leaching off of society you’ve got another think coming.

YOU try making two videos a day and keeping up with writing on six blogs while trying to be creative in both writing and video making!

I’ve been doing the daily video thing for almost two years now and ya’know what?  I’m TIRED!  Nearly burned out in fact.  The creativity that used to come so easily for making videos is all but gone.  Worn to a frazzle.

As for writing, I’ve been doing that since around 1998.  Then I started this blog in February 2006.  Since then I’ve had to expand to writing in five more blogs aside from this one.  In that time I have written a total of well over 2,500 blog posts.

At an average of 250 words each that comes out to me having written approximately 625,000 words in the last six years.  Can you blame me for feeling tired and like my creativity has been stretched so thin that it’s almost impossible to see anymore?

What’s almost scary is that lately I have been giving serious thought to starting to write actively in a seventh blog.

As you can see, my writing, while I honestly love doing it is yet another form of creativity that has been pushed and pushed and pushed until 99 percent of what I write is, in my personal opinion, total, absolute, shit.

I’m tired of scraping by most of the time, having the occasional financial blessing that lets me get caught up for a few months and then gradually start falling behind again.

Frankly I need a break, a vacation from all this responsibility to keep working my ass off to earn every stinking penny I can.  A vacation from having to rack my brains every single day trying desperately to come up with something, anything, that will draw more readers, more viewers, and more clicks.

Too bad I cannot afford to take such a vacation.  Not even for one day.  I dare not stop writing and I dare not stop making videos because I desperately need every cent those things generate, precious little though it may be.

So why am I writing this?  Because if I do not at the very least, vent, I’m gonna go totally fucking nuts, that’s why.

I mean, it would be a lot easier to deal with all this shit if I didn’t have to be doing it alone.  and I’m not referring to just having “someone to talk to” either.  That’s all well and good but I want more than that.

I’ve been alone entirely too long (as in literally most of my life) and I think that having somebody to not only talk to but curl up with when I’m not feeling good would do wonders.  Not that I’d want to stop there. Oh no.

However that’s another subject entirely

Time For Some Zombies!

For years now my favorite types of PC games has been First Person Shooter games such as the original DOOM and later DOOM II and of course, Quake and Quake 2.  My other favorite has always been combat flight simulators, especially those that put you in the pilot’s seat of modern fighters like the F-15, F-16, F-19 and of course, the F-22 Raptor.  I’ve had several of both types over the years.

I think that perhaps the one single downside of the advances in computer technology, in particular the processor speed, is that older games like DOOM II, the first Quake, and older flight sims is that they were written to run on 75 to 120 mhz computers.  Just try putting Quake 1 on a modern 2ghz computer, I dare you.  The thing will run so fast as to be completely unplayable.  I know from experience.  I’ve had similar results with air combat sims.  Just TRY controlling an F-16 when the computer is running 20 times faster than the machines that program was written for!  It can’t be done.

So lately, because the only game I’ve got that still works on my current machine is Quake II and I’ve been through all 32 levels of that I don’t know how many times in the 8 or 9 years since I got it that I’d love something new, I have been once again haunting the sale pages looking for a new challenge and I think that finally, after countless hours of searching and checking system requirements, found something that will fill the bill.

I’ve decided that the first Left 4 Dead title looks like it will be just the thing.  Not only does it have a price (under $20 USD!!) that might actually be within my reach, it runs on a pc instead of one of those thrice damnable gaming platforms.  If you like things like the xbox 360 and it’s competitors then that’s cool, I personally hate the things.

The good thing is the timing.  I’ve typically been a difficult person to buy for because a lot of the crap that most people are itching to get their mitts on I could care less about.  This, on the other hand, is different.  Who could possibly pass up the opportunity to spend an afternoon or evening fragging zombies?  Not me.  So Left 4 Dead is now officially on my wishlist.

Technorati Tags: fps games, zombie apocolypse, zombies, wishlist, games

Preparing To Survive The Deep Cold

I know I know, that title sounds melodramatic as all hell.  Then again, if you lived in my house, you might not think that it was *quite* as melodramatic as it sounds.

You see, my house it heated with a furnace that is fueled by propane and these days the price of propane is *almost* as hideous as that of gasoline and unlike most products, it NEVER goes on sale.  In the deep cold that is typical of the months of December, January, February and the early part of March, my furnace will typically burn as much as twelve gallons of propane per day in the worst of the cold.

That means that my piddly little two hundred and fifty gallon tank will go empty fast even if it starts this season out full and this year it’s starting out far from full.  The tank is currently at approximately 35% capacity.  If I were to start the furnace running it would be empty within three weeks even at the lowest useful temperature setting.  Therefore I am not turning it on, choosing instead to use that fuel to run the hot water heater which is also fueled by propane.

It does however mean that I really want to come up with an alternate heat source.  My house has a fireplace but it’s design is such that 95% or more of the heat it generates goes straight up the chimney and does ZERO good for heating the house.  Then again it’s just as well because I can’t afford to buy wood to keep it running anyway.

I’ve done a LOT of looking at possibilities and I’ve come to the conclusion that the best option would be to get an Oil Filled Radiator Heater and use that to keep the main room that I spend most of my time in heated.  This would afford me at least a little bit of comfort and assure that I wouldn’t *actually* freeze solid this winter.

The hard part is going to be getting it since my finances are already stretched to the breaking point.  There was a time that I might have been able to expect getting it for Christmas but the only shot of that is to find a previously unknown wealthy relative and convince them it would be a good idea.

In he meantime, I’m just going to continue believing that God will give me the means to make sure there’s heat in the house… even if he has to drop a case of one hundred dollar bills in my driveway to do it.

Yes, this thing is officially on my wishlist this year even though I’d rather put money with which to promote my youtube videos on that list instead.

Technorati Tags: cold, christmas, furnace, tank almost empty, freezing, can’t afford refill, propane heat, propane, propane cost, wishlist, expensive, cold

I *USED* To Love Mowing The Lawn

It’s true.  Once upon a time, some ten years ago, I absolutely loved taking a couple of hours every two weeks or so to mow the lawn.  Of course, at the time I had just gotten a new mower on sale which made the job pretty easy.  It started on the first or second pull, had a twenty two inch cut and worked great for years.

Sadly, that is no longer the case.  That once faithful machine has not even started since the spring of 2009.  That, combined with intolerably hot weather and a weed eater that only worked sporadically since the mower died has changed mowing the lawn from a relaxing pastime into a major chore that now takes me most of a week to get done in bits and pieces.

This is, of course, unacceptable because the lawn must still be kept cut.  If it isn’t, sooner or later I get a visit from code enforcement who then gives me seven days to get the job done.

I can’t afford to pay somebody else to do it and even if I could, paying somebody forty dollars to do a job that I used to do in two hours just cuts against the grain in the worst possible way.  Also, long gone are the days when you could pay a neighborhood kid a couple bucks to do it.  Now even they want ten and twenty dollars to cut an average lawn.

That’s why I *REALLY* like the idea of this robotic lawn mower.  With something like this, All I would need to do is clear the yard of fallen tree limbs and rocks, set up a perimeter wire around the area that I want cut and then turn the machine loose.

It would then proceed to crisscross the area, automatically avoiding obstacles like the propane tank and the trees in my front yard, mulching the grass as it goes.  There would still be a few areas that I would need to get with the weed eater but with the robot doing the lion’s share of the work I would have a MUCH easier time of keeping the grass cut and I would NOT have to deal with any more visits from code enforcement OR the occasional nasty look I get from the neighbors with their perfectly manicured lawns.

Now All I need to do is find a well off relative and convince them that this would make an absolutely perfect Christmas gift.  Truly, I SO want one of these!!  More than that, I actually need one!

Technorati Tags: robot, automatic, christmas gift, wishlist, tech, lawn mower

Christmas Inspiration

I have, just in the last few minutes, had what I consider to be a genius inspiration concerning Christmas gifts.  You see, normally when people think of personalized christmas gifts they’re talking about extra fancy Christmas cards, monogrammed ties & coffee mugs and stuff like that.

Well, it’s occurred to me that there are many other possibilities that would be every bit as good if not better depending on the situation and the individual receiving them.

For example a monogrammed lawnmower would be a VERY highly valued gift for me right now since keeping my lawn mowed has been a royal pain in the arse for a couple of years now because my ten year old machine has pretty much had it.

Another great example is my brother.  I know for a fact that he would place an immense value on a monogrammed state of the art laptop.  A machine that was actually portable AND powerful enough to do everything he needs it to do.

Don’t get me wrong.  The traditional personalized Christmas gifts are all fine and dandy but I honestly think that things like this would go over a LOT better and be both appreciated and used for a lot longer.

Technorati Tags: . non traditional, personalized, gifts, christmas

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